<![CDATA[Taking Out The Trash - Trash Talk Blog]]>Sat, 24 Feb 2018 08:35:59 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[TAking out the ... fear]]>Sat, 24 Feb 2018 13:28:02 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-the-fearWhat a horrible word!  Fear!  There are so many definitions for this word.  I had to look it up.  New Oxford American Dictionary defines Fear as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.  I have read so many articles and have gotten so much advice that fear is the only thing that holds us back.  It is so true!  In all aspects of my life I have had fear.  Remember the definition has the word “belief” and “likely”.  That is because we believe in our head that something is “likely” going to cause us pain or be a threat. 
The only time I am ever afraid is when I fear telling people about my decisions or new choices.  I feared people would think I was weak for leaving my marriage.  I feared people would have an opinion every time I moved, which was a lot!  I also feared telling people about my new side business selling skincare.  Why on Earth should I be afraid of telling people I sell the #1 skincare product in the country!  And why would I fear sharing how successful I have been.   Let’s take my sequel for instance.  I fear people asking me why it has “taken so long.”  I coil up when anyone says, “so when is this book coming out?”  Now, I say, “Gee I am not sure.  How long did it take you to write your second book?”  EXACTLY!  These people who ask have never written a second book, or a first book, so ZIP IT!  I realize now that I am not actually in fear of taking any of these chances, I am in fear of what people think.  I have learned to take that out with the trash and I now just ignore anyone who cannot mind their own business.  That takes great strength!  If I let the fear rule my brain, I would not be half as happy as I am right now. 
Now with love, there is MAJOR fear.  Fear of leaving for a better life and fear of the unknown.  Fear of jumping in with two feet and taking a chance with someone new who might be everything you have ever asked for and more.  Please, do yourself a favor and take that fear out with the trash!  Get rid of it and never let fear get in the way of your life!
Please respond with your favorite quotes about fear.  Here is my favorite….
“Fear is only temporary, Regret lasts forever” - unknown
<![CDATA[Taking out the...social media?]]>Thu, 30 Nov 2017 23:53:55 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-thesocial-mediaI started dating after divorce approximately 18 years ago when there was no social media. THANK GOD! Now my poor readers are riddled with all kinds of social media outlets that are supposed to allow you to share your life and express yourself over the World Wide Web!  Question- is too much social media hurting us? I had the pleasure of taking out my trash, internationally, as I went on a cruise to the Western Caribbean. I had the opportunity to meet and talk to people from literally all over the world.

I was able to gain some new insight on how single people interpret our social media shenanigans when surfing for love.  Apparently, no matter where you are from, everyone is very picky these days!  Now, I’m not going to give you advice on any do’s or don’ts, I honestly just want to hear your feedback on this topic because I really had no idea people were so selective, that you can’t even post a picture of yourself or you will never get a date!

Canadian, Single Man, 52 years old-
“I hate when girls post selfies of themselves all day long. We don’t care what you are eating or drinking or where you are sitting now!  It’s so annoying!”

Oklahoma, Single Woman, 38 years old-
“I really like this guy I met, skiing, we said we were going to meet up sometime soon for a holiday drink. When I went to check him out on Facebook I was really turned off by how many posts he has of his dog.”

Virginia, Single Man, 48 years old-
“This girl I’ve been dating is really cool, but I don’t know, she’s always got a drink in her hand on Instagram…probably going to stay away from that.”

There were countless other comments made as I asked single people everywhere on the ship to help me with my research!  All answers, from the bow to the stern, were the were so crazy to me, and I found it hilarious!  There were no concrete issues I could really sympathize with.  It was like I was listening to Jerry Seinfeld complaining that his love interest will not get a second date because she ate her peas “one at a time”!

Remember when we used to get a phone number, go home and get really excited about making the call?  Getting knots in our stomach thinking, maybe I will see her this weekend.  Now, we run home to “friend” each other, jump on a site, notice they have a hair out of place, “defriend” and “block”!  It’s insane!

Why is innocent behavior on social media a big deal breaker for some people? Do you think social media has ruined the “getting to know you phase”?  Maybe there is a very good reason why this girl posts 100s of selfies?  Maybe this guy just worships his damn dog?
Maybe we shouldn’t post so frivolously, offering no room for any mystery or intrigue?  It’s like we are putting it all out there before we even meet in person. Then again, maybe it’s a great idea to have all this social media available to us to cut the time from months of courting and dating to a millisecond of swiping through posts and noticing, yet again, another dumb selfie or tweet! 

I’d love to hear your thoughts?
<![CDATA[Taking out the... timeline]]>Tue, 06 Jun 2017 00:14:57 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-the-timelineHow can we put a timeline on our heart?  Especially when time is ticking and we can die tomorrow.  A famous quote by Frank Sinatra, "Live every day like it's your last!" is a mantra I am starting to learn to live by, and not just with love.  You cannot put a timeline on life and love.  

First let's talk about your heart and your head telling you to get out of your relationship.  I know with family and circumstances it is easier said then done. However, if your heart truly needs to get out then please, get out!  We always feel that things might change, or we will leave as soon as the holidays are over, etc.  "As soon as...", is a form of denial, when we hope things will get better or we are just buying time.  Take that trash out of your head and out of your heart!  If we are supposed to live every day like it's our last, why would we want our last days to be filled with unhappiness?

I also hate it when we put a timeline on dating.  "I will start to date as soon as I lose 10 pounds", "I will start to date as soon as Summer starts."  Again, "as soon as", is a STALL TACTIC.  Date someone right now, at 10 pounds overweight, on a rainy cold Winter, Spring or Fall night with no tan!  Just go for it!  Life is too short and you can be missing out on laughter, fun and possibly someone who can love you exactly the way you look on those cold seasons of the year!

Now when it comes to love, we hear noise from those around us, "don't move too fast", "take it slow", etc.  This is great advice in certain aspects but NOT if you are 100% on the same page as your partner.  You have to live for YOU.  If you and your partner are on the road to love, just go with it.  Part of taking out your trash is taking out the cackle from the peanut gallery.  You and your partner are telling each other you love each other.  Why would you hesitate when other people are NOT feeling what you two are feeling for each other.  If and ONLY IF you and your partner are on the same page, jump in with both feet and plug your nose! There is no timeline but YOUR timeline.  Don't put a schedule on your ticker, because TIME IS TICKING! Throw that calendar in the trash and love like there is N
O TOMORROW!!!!  ~I decided!]]>
<![CDATA[Taking Out The...Blame!]]>Sun, 05 Feb 2017 14:11:12 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-theblame​I created this really cool Pinterest post "You made your bed now go F@#@@ yourself in it!"  As everyone knows I treat this topic with humor because I believe you have to be able to put humor into life's most troubling issues.  Although this quote is meant to be funny, not angry, it has some real meaning behind it.
When we are in situations, relationships, friendships with another person and something goes wrong, we tend to blame ourselves.  What did I do wrong?  What did I do to deserve what I got?  Why did this person treat me the way they did?
I'm here to tell you to let it go.  Take it out with the trash.  Clear it out of you head.  The person has some sort of issue or some kind of problem that they need to go deal with themselves.  Don’t try to fix them, don't try to hold on to the concern.  They made their bed, now they can go wallow in their issue and destroy themselves in it.  It is not your problem!  You did nothing wrong!
We learn something with every experience we have.  I love bad experiences now, because I really value the lessons they teach me and it helps me move forward.  It is ok to hold yourself accountable for things that will teach you and make you stronger, but don't blame yourself.  Let the other person leave with their issues.  You are strong, move on!
<![CDATA[Taking Out The...Control]]>Wed, 30 Nov 2016 00:06:08 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-thecontrolHello and Happy Holidays!
As the 2016 Holiday Season is upon us we just gave thanks last week, expressed our gratitude and ate a lot of pie!  We should always embrace all that we have rather than dwell on what we have lost.  We also need to stop trying to control what is next.
I always say "taking out our own trash" is the practice of getting rid of the useless noise and thoughts in our head that clog our ability to make room for all that is good and exciting in our lives!  However, taking out our trash does not heal us from the mess of trying to control every aspect of our lives.  Our trash is our over exaggerated thoughts and beliefs twirling around in our head, trying to control us from something great that is yet to come!
If you have not heard of Pema Chodron, please look her up.  She is a famous author and Buddhist nun from none other than, Connecticut, who wrote the tremendous book When Things Fall Apart.  In this book, and in a famous interview with Oprah Winfrey, she talks about how your ego shuts you down for something really great to happen.  She says, "I equate ego with trying to figure everything out instead of going with the flow. That closes your heart and your mind to the person or situation that's right in front of you, and you miss so much.  Our ego wants to control our every move to validate what should or should not be."  Also, Pema believes we should lean in and embrace exactly what is going on every hour by hour, however our ego wants to control it as a way of saying "I don't want this to be happening!"  She talks about how you try to escape it in some way, but if somehow you could stay present and touch the rawness of the experience, you can really learn something.

Our problem is we are always trying to control every situation.  And if we do not try to control it, our friends and family try to control it for us.  We overthink, psychoanalyze and beat our brains over what might be next.  The pro's, the con's, the lists.  It's all trash!  What is it all worth?  Things WILL happen the way they are supposed to happen.  Take this holiday season to embrace exactly what is in front of you, good or bad and get excited for the new year ahead!  Now let's take out the trash and the control!!!  See you in 2017!!!

Read more about Pema Chodron's interview with Oprah: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/oprah-winfrey-talks-to-pema-chodron#ixzz4RRbcqUd1

From <http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprah-Winfrey-Talks-to-Pema-Chodron
<![CDATA[Taking Out The...Opinions]]>Mon, 25 Jul 2016 14:32:31 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-theopinionsA friend of mine contacted me privately to discuss a situation she is having with feelings for her ex-husband.  Her story is exactly the same as mine and she has forgiven him for his addiction and still loves him.  He has been doing fabulous for SEVEN years and neither one of them have truly moved on.  She is not exactly sure they are on the same page of getting back together.  They have children and went through major "stuff" during the break up.  Now, both of them text and talk daily and make comments like "I am just not able to love someone like you!" or "what if we ever got back together?".
 Here is her problem….everyone else!  She said her children, friends and extended family will be very upset with her and she doesn't know what to do.  She frolics around in the unknown every single day.  I don't have specific advice for her as to whether to go back or not because I don't have to be her every day.  But what I do know is, she was strong enough to make her life better back then.  Not only is she amazing, strong, independent and beautiful inside and out, but her ex-husband is better too.  He is stable, recovered, making fabulous money and has really shown consistency and responsibility after all these years.
 Bottom line, she can't let her trash linger.  Imagine if you never picked up your trash at home and you just kicked it around the room or just bought more trash bins because your other bins are full.  That is what holding on to the unknown is.  It makes our mental state crowded and stressful!  Our family and friends need to let us figure things out for ourselves.  No one has the right to make another person do something THEIR way.  When one of my friends gives an opinion about my life it really just means I'm not living it THEIR way.  I just smile and toss their nonsense out.  Sometimes I actually say to them "When you go to bed at night do you really give a shit that I do xxxx to the point that it keeps you up at night?"  They usually pipe down.  As long as we are not in harm's way we have to let our loved ones "figure it out" and be there to pick up the pieces or heaven forbid see them happy!
My friend needs to revisit her ex-husband.  Either she will be annoyed with him within a week and get the closure she needs to move on OR they will find love again and she will be happy.  I am not seeing anything wrong with this.  Find your closure, throw out your trash or turn it into a treasure just DO NOT let other people make up your rules.  You have one life, live it, live for yourself and figure it out!  I would love to hear your thoughts!
<![CDATA[Taking Out The...Words!]]>Sun, 12 Jun 2016 13:02:49 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-thewordsWhat exactly are words?  "Words" literally means "speak".  Words are a type of expression for your thoughts.  What about other expressions?  Like actions!  There are so many songs I can think of about love and words. 
"No more words!  You're telling me you love me while you're looking away!  No more words and no more promises of love!"  -No More Words, Berlin
"Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you.." -More than Words, Extreme
And the list goes on and on.  My point is, words are worth nothing if there are no worthy actions to back them up.  Just like money is just a piece of paper, unless there are bars of precious gold to back it up.  Be insightful about what the actions are behind the words.  I get nuts when I see movies about abuse on my favorite network, Lifetime Movie Network!  The lead has a big black eye from the punch of her husband then says "I know but he said he is sorry and he loves me."  If your partner speaks empty words and empty promises of love, then he must go!  I know it's easier said than done but we hang on to that junk and it just piles up and piles up.  Trust me, it took 30 years to finally figure this out.  Good Lord, I was hanging on to serious junk and recycling anything from sour milk to rotten eggs.  I was the queen of "but he said he loved me so that’s good!"  No it's not!  And let me tell you, I can think right now about how someone said they loved me all the time, then repeatedly did not show up to the relationship.  Those feelings were actually worse than getting punched.  I would have rather gotten punched in the gut by The Rock then feel what I felt those days that men really disappointed me!
Also, there are people out there that think "something bad is going to happen"  or "she might leave me!"  No one is leaving as long as there are consistent examples of love, loyalty, friendship and support.  I mean it is obvious.  Once someone said to me years ago, "I'm afraid you're going to leave me."  Back then I was a sucker and assured him I wasn't going anywhere.  What I realize now is, I should have left because he was not even nice to me.  Now, if that ever happens again and I am faced with "I'm afraid you are going to leave me", my response will be "well, if you don't show me with friendship, loyalty and love that should be between us then yes I will absolutely leave so check yourself!  If you are not doing any of those things and displaying the basic actions, yes you're done!"  BAMM, END, BYE!
I would love to hear your thoughts on this and please, comment with some songs about words and promises of love that I may have forgot! 
~ Antonia Ragozzino
~Author, Taking Out The Trash
<![CDATA[Check out this fantastic article from Pam Grout]]>Sat, 04 Jun 2016 12:52:10 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/check-out-this-fantastic-article-from-pam-groutPam Grout is one of my favorite Authors that keeps me sane, positive and trash free!  Check out her most recent blog post!  

​Why I no longer listen to the maniac in my  head https://pamgrout.com/2016/06/03/why-i-no-longer-listen-to-the-maniac-in-my-head/ via @PamGrout]]>
<![CDATA[Welcome!  Happy to be back!]]>Sun, 22 May 2016 13:04:08 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/welcome-happy-to-be-backWelcome to a brand new and improved Taking Out the Trash with crazy stories, new insight and a whole lotta laughs.
As I am wrapping up my sequel, I realized lots of time has gone by.  Lots of tremendous things have been happening and I have been crazy busy.  My job, family, health, love life and overall abundance has piled up sky high.  So glad the pile up is NOT trash!  Granted, my trash is always going to be there.  It's what I choose to do with it that makes a huge difference. 
Merriam-Webster is my favorite source of definitions for the powerful words in the English language.  Look up any word on Merriam-Webster's site and you will see the very first thing that is listed is the "Simple Definition".  They publish the simple definition of trash as "things that are no longer useful or wanted and that have been thrown away" or "something that is very low quality."  You can't get much more simple than that.
Our trash comprises a multitude of useless, low quality crap in our lives.  Trash should not always be about romance.  It's just that our mental trash allows us to feel inadequate, fat, poor, not pretty enough, not smart enough, and the list goes on and on.  Ironically, our crushes, partners, spouses and ex's are usually the ones who make us feel this way.  So it's really easy to blog about them. What are we going to do about it?  Perhaps get rid of it?  YES!
So here we are, still talking about trash because trash will never go away!  Did your house ever stop gathering trash?  No, you take it out every single Thursday night, or whenever.  It never ends.  But do you  stop taking your trash out now and find yourself sleeping in the middle of a disgusting hoarded dump by next year, I think not.  Same applies with our non-tangible trash.  It needs to be taken out as well!
I want to start up my new blog with simple quotes I have collected over the past few months.  I hope you can see the theme in these wonderful quotes.  Next time, let's talk trash!!
The following quotes are from http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/06/08/60-quotes-change-the-way-you-think/
-Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
-If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
-It's better to be alone than to be in bad company.
-Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go and move on.
-When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
-When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it's probably time to change the people around you.
-There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.
-You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
-If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
All above quotes from <http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/06/08/60-quotes-change-the-way-you-think/>
Antonia Ragozzino
~Author, Taking Out The Trash
<![CDATA[Taking Out The...Saturday Night]]>Sat, 18 Apr 2015 13:21:02 GMThttp://takingoutthetrashbook.com/trash-talk-blog/taking-out-thesaturday-nightI've been getting a lot of emails and questions about going on actual dates on Saturday night.  I can't believe we are still fighting this battle with ourselves over the age old "Saturday Night".  I want to share a piece I wrote 3 years ago (tweaked a bit) on how silly this "Saturday Night" date night misconception is...thanks for your messages, questions and emails!

Picture it, twenty plus years ago, you are experiencing the exciting world of dating.  It’s Saturday afternoon and you are picking out the perfect outfit for a night on the town with your new love interest.  It’s been about a month and you have established an exciting routine.  You take turns going over each other’s houses, you go from once, twice, to three times a week and anxiously anticipate the ever so famous Saturday night date night. Last week it was a fancy dinner, this week you are going to a posh new club for cocktails and dancing.  You are frantically getting ready with butterflies in your stomach, yet grounded and satiated because you are in a clearly defined relationship.  What came after that, probably love and marriage right? 

Now let’s go back fifteen years.  You are married, building a life with your spouse, and creating a family and a foundation of love.  You are busy with the house, work, activities and maybe kids.  It’s Thursday and you are anticipating Saturday night date night with your spouse.  Dinner reservations are made; plans set in stone, maybe even a babysitter.  Life is a bit more hectic but your salvation was your Saturday night.  Society has always dictated Saturday night as “date” night.  According to Natasha Jackson-Arnautu’s, “History of Dating & Courtship”, in the very early colonial days men and women set up private and public courtship for the means of creating family to help with their workload.  They spent all week working on buildings, projects, etc and waiting until the end of the week to court, hence the Saturday night.  This custom carried all the way into our present.  Think about Saturday night references over the course of the many many decades of our lives.  How about the lyrics to Jimmy Buffet’s, “Another Saturday Night and I ain’t got nobody” © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC But there are so many obstacles now; I think you can agree it’s time to reconsider the Saturday night myth.

Here you are in 2015.  Older, wiser, single and twenty years more clueless than ever!  Your divorce is finally over and you have allowed yourself to get back in the game.  You feel good about yourself and you have been meeting some really great people.  So why is it that you are still alone on Saturday night?  Why do you only see the man you are dating on Mondays at nine o’clock at night or maybe one Saturday a month?  Your married friends tell you that it is not "dating"!  Well says who?  Let’s make our own rules and stop feeling down about it.  Do not let Saturday night’s, two hundred year old rules bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself because this dating thing is not working according to the Saturday night plan.  The old rules of dating do not apply anymore.  Do not get down or depressed, it is not you.  Never let Saturday night define your success with dating.  It’s completely different now. 

Divorcees come out into the real world relating to that small spell in which we were young, free and dating to fall in love.  Times have changed, you have changed, and the world has changed!  We have kids, full time jobs, friends and families.  You might meet someone who is perfectly stable and emotionally ready to date however they have a son in football and a daughter in travel basketball.  One of you is an executive and travels to another state three times a month.  Or, the other one has kids one week on one week off, every other Saturday, the second Thursday of every month.  Or, let’s see you have a full time demanding life or responsibility and would like to actually rest on the weekends.

Remember this is all normal.  Life gets in the way. The most important thing to do is find balance and certainly embrace dating.  But do not think you are inadequate or not valued because you are “alone” on Saturday nights.  It is so refreshing to know that after a tough week we have the freedom to choose to be alone on Saturday nights.  Look at the positive side.  Stay in communication with your partner and come to a compromise as to when you can enjoy some time together.  You are amazing, fantastic and who would not want to be with you?  If it is not on Saturday night, who cares, just enjoy.  This is your life and your rules!